In sickness and in health

So here we are again after finding out chemo is no longer working for me just before Christmas to having my head back down the toilet because we are attempting what’s called Biological therapy.

I’m sure one day they will get there in making a treatment that makes cancer patients less ill but for now I’m making my self a statistic to get them closer while hoping this is all worth it to give me more time here.

Christ I feel ill….I’m actually wondering why am I do this….

I’m alone in the bathroom warding off what I can’t decipher is going to be major sickness as my salivate has gone insane in my mouth to if it could be diahorrea ….so I’ve gone to now sitting on the toilet as I feel rib would find cleaning up sick lesser of the two evils right now!

At what point did we honestly really think that’s what it mean at when we said the vows in sickness and In health….

My heads currently now collapsed in one hand as I type frantically with the other…playing mind games with my self to take my mind off feeling so incredibly sorry for myself…

So it hasn’t given me any form of relief all day apart from a little sleep.

I felt so lucky to have my mum race straight over today to help us out…stan had a bout of anxiety regarding a ball bearing he had swallowed…don’t ask long story and with me currently attached to our bathroom we needed help!

She ducked in and out between her cleaning jobs then my lovely friend Della camecsat with me while I slept so I knew stan was safe…never will she know what this meant to me.

By body has been placed on the sofa the majority of the afternoon as I’ve tried to figure out if I’m going to be able to do this drug feeling how I am.

I’ve taken another this eve with a few other counteracting drugs of the side effects so fingers crossed.

I’ve wanted and have cried a number of occasions today….you think you’d go through anything if it meant an extra few days or months with your child but today I’ve questions if I’ve actually got the strength physically or mentally any more…..

There’s More to life than looking at my feet but that’s truly been my capability today!